Exercise!

I procrastinate, I make excuses, and I have sudden brief physical ailments- all to avoid exercising.  It makes no sense whatsoever, because I always feel SO GOOD when I have finished exercising.  I am proud of myself as well as feeling energized and satisfied.    When I have worked out, my general behavior is always more healthy- I eat better, I drink more water, I am generally more active.  I know I am not alone in this- but it still amazes me.  

Before my pregnancy, I had mental and physical breakthrough.  With my blood pressure and cholesterol way too high, and the number on the scale beyond embarrassing, I looked my doctor in the eye and said, "I am going to do this".  I have said that many times, and each time failed.  But in that moment a switch flipped.  I wanted to have a baby and I knew my health was reducing my chances of even becoming pregnant, let alone having a safe and healthy pregnancy.  

So I joined a well known program online, and began exercising.  As anyone who has lost weight in a healthy way knows, the numbers do not just melt off the scale.  It was a 2-4 lb a week slog.  But for the first time I wasn't discouraged when I got on the scale.  Also, I made myself accountable to other people.  For the first time ever I was completely honest with my husband, family and friends about my weight and health.  It was mortifying, but I knew that my motivation would need to come from multiple avenues, and they would be one of them.  They surprised me in their lack of judgment and their abundance of support.  I shouldn't have been surprised, but when you are ashamed of yourself you assume others will be ashamed too.

The results were wonderful.  In 3 months I lost 30 lbs.  I felt fantastic, and I wasn't even to my ultimate goal.  I was wearing clothes that had been regulated to the back of the closet and I no longer had to worry about that dreaded double chin in photos.  More importantly, I knocked more than 100 points off of my cholesterol and my blood pressure returned to that perfect 120/80.  My ultimate goal had been to lose 50 lb before getting pregnant, but circumstances intervened and we got pregnant a little sooner than expected.  

All through the pregnancy I worried about weight gain, though my doctors assured me that I was doing extremely well and gaining the appropriate amount of weight.  In the last two months I ballooned out but was assured it was water not actual weight gain.  I prayed my doctor was right.  I was absolutely squishy by the time I had Will.  In the two weeks after he was born I literally dropped 40 lbs- a confirmation I that was a walking water balloon for quite a while. 

Since Will's birth I have had exercise and weight loss on my mind.  At first I was determined I would begin a hardcore routine as soon as I got the clear at 6 weeks.  After all, for the first time I knew with absolute certainty that I am capable of reaching my goal.  I did not take into account that caring for an infant would take everything out of me.  So Christmas came and went and I said, "Great! New Year, time to get on schedule!", and that is when the excuses began.  I started eating fairly well, though there were plenty of cheats, but I never really put any effort into exercising.  Through the miraculous gift of nursing I have managed to slowly drop a few more pounds, but I haven't really begun the work I need to do.  I am still 8 lb from my pre-pregnancy weight, and ideally I would like to lose another 40 lbs before we try for another baby.

So yesterday morning once Will laid down for his early morning nap, I put my exercise clothes on and hoped on our stationary bike.  It was a hard 30 minutes, but I felt SO GOOD afterwards.  Today, I tried belly dancing aerobics recorded from the Fitness channel.  30 minutes a day is my goal.  Less cheating on my food intake as well.  I have the time now, and I have the knowledge that I can do it.  I am accountable to myself and my little family.  I am also making myself accountable to you dear readers.  It is time to stop procrastinating and start working!

Will at 5 Months

In two days, my son will be 5 months old.  I honestly have no idea where the time has gone.  I feel like the 40 weeks of my pregnancy took at least 3 times as long as they should have, but the time since Will was born has been on fast-forward.  My little newborn (well, as little as a 10 lb newborn can be) has transformed into such a big strong guy.  He has almost doubled in weight and grown almost 9 inches in length since he was born.  His eyes are beginning to change color, and much to my amazement I can feel his first tooth about to come in.  He was born with a fair amount of dark hair, of which he lost most in the first month, and has since grown back a full head of hair the same color mine was as a baby. 

He looks like both Eli and me. He has Eli's forehead, eyebrows, eyes, duck feet and strange bottom rib. From me he gets his hair color, cheeks (dimples included), mouth and chin.  And yet he also looks uniquely like himself.  I can dissect the various features easily, but when I look at him I see Will, no resemblance to anyone, just my beautiful son. 

He can do so many things already.  It was just a short time ago that we needed to carefully cradle his head because his neck wasn't strong enough to maintain stability.  Now he pushes himself up with his arms to look around while on his belly.  He can roll both from his back to his belly and vise versa.  He stands with help only to balance and he is desperately trying to sit up without help.  He reaches for and plays independently with his toys, and loves to stand in his activity center and intact with everything it offers.  He is occasionally mesmerized by his mobile, and board books are beginning to hold his interest from start to finish.

He is such a problem solver!  For example, he constantly wants to taste his bath water, which we of course try to keep him from for the most part.  He started by just licking his fist after dipping it into the water, or catching droplets that ran down his face.  When that wasn't enough he tried to get the washcloth in his mouth for a taste.  Next he tried to swiftly slink down into his tub trying to get his mouth at water level, and when that didn't work he moved on to slowly lowering himself into the water and then casually turning his head to the side to try and lap the water up like a cat.  The next thing we know he will be employing simple machines to achieve his goal.

Will's personality is also starting to take shape.  He is a happy baby.  He is very easy to please as long as he isn't left alone for too long or allowed to get too tired.  He loves to be played with and talked to.  He smiles at strangers almost as easily as he smiles at me and Eli. Even when he is upset, he just wants to be cuddled and soothed, very rarely crying for more than 5- 10 minutes.   He cranky occasionally and when he is he scratches his head over and over in big strokes and grabs the hand or hair of whoever is holding him and pulls it towards him irritably.  He is stubborn, and gets frustrated when he can't do something he desperately wants to do.  He wants to be where ever we are if he is awake, even if that means sitting in his high chair when I do dishes or playing on the bed when I fold laundry.   He thinks Daddy is the funniest guy on the planet, and Momma is the best at tickling him.

All of this makes me wonder how fast the rest is going to go.  I have caused myself plenty of restless nights thinking about how quickly he is going to grow up and start dealing with issues that I currently feel completely unprepared to guide him through.  The most loving, prepared and well-intentioned parents can manage to really screw something up with their kids, and I know we will not be an exception.  I think about how I grew up and what I DON'T want to do with my children, but also some of the things I do want to pass on.  I am writing some of these things down in the journal we are keeping for Will.  Hopefully doing so will be helpful for us as well as him.

In the meantime I am trying to focus on Will in the present, and look forward to his immediate future rather than too far down the road.  This past Saturday, Will tried his first rice cereal, and decided he likes it just fine.  He has had very little trouble figuring out the concept of the spoon, and has eaten his daily portion consistently so far.  It won't be long before he is trying his first vegetables, learning to crawl, and figuring out his first words.  Lord save me when he learns to talk because he is already a loud mouth like me without knowing any words.

Follow-up on Meal Calendars

A couple of you (of my wonderful six readers!) asked me for some more information regarding the earlier post about Groceries.  Below is a copy of both my February grocery list and calendar.  This calendar of meals is not my most creative or adventurous, but it is the one we have followed this month.  Because my grocery list is so long I have taken to putting it into an excel sheet as well, and organizing it loosely based on where I would find it in the store.  I have also added a coupon column to help me remember that I have one for specific items.  This is a work in progress, and I am making adjustments month to month where necessary.  For example, I realized this month that I did not plan for enough healthy snack options for an entire month, nor enough drink options.

Looking at the calendar there are many repeat meals.  This is mostly because the meals are only shared by two people at the moment, and one batch of soup or one casserole is definitely enough to last several days.  For a family of four I would assume that a standard casserole would be enough for one meal only (with perhaps some leftovers). And a batch of soup or stew would probably only last 2 nights instead of 3 (or 4 as sometimes happens for us).

I hope this is helpful and if anyone has questions or would like some easy recipes that I actually use pretty regularly, just let me know!

 

 

Nap Time

I am taking a pass today as there is an incredibly cuddly baby boy who very much wants Momma to nap with him. Who could refuse?

Reading Project

Eli and I both love to read. I would bet if you did an analysis of our spending, you would find that our biggest non-household/baby/bill expenditure would be for books. We also patronize our local library, but we both much prefer to own books. We actually tend to read them over and over again. We currently have 6 bookcases filled with books, not including all of Eli's reference books which are currently packed in a rubbermaid storage container. Every couple of years we go through all the bookcases and make a donation either to Goodwill or the local library, but honestly we don't usually give up many of our books.

We both have our favorite authors, and our collection is heavy on their writing. What we both realized a few weeks ago is that we haven't done much reading outside of our favorites list in a very long time. This discussion led us to a mutual desire to read books that have earned the label of "classic". We both began looking for lists on the internet; lists of AP reading suggestions, college book reviews' top 100 novels, even lists of the new modern classics. We were both amazed at the number of books we had not read. We both took AP English and several upper level literature classes in college, and yet only manage to take a tiny chunk out of a huge list. In reviewing the lists and marking those books we had read, we realized in many cases we'd had to pick one of two books for a class assignment, and the other book was never read. This led to what we feel are some major holes in our reading resumes.

We have each created a list of 10 books to begin our project. We expanded our selection to include Time's 100 novels of the 20th century as voted on by their board, and also their list as voted on by the public. This means that we have included some novels that you might never read in a classroom, but have been given recognition by the public as something special. We also have included volumes of poetry and some plays.

Here are our lists:

Sam
Slaughterhouse-Five, Kurt Vonnegut
Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
The World According to Garp, John Irving
Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury
Catch-22, Joseph Heller
Animal Farm, George Orwell
A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway
Ragtime, E.L. Doctorow
On the Road, Jack Kerouac
Persuasion, Jane Austen

Eli
Dracula, Bram Stoker
Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
Ulysses, James Joyce
Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Jules Verne
Invisible Man, Ralph Ellison
The Wild Duck, Henrik Ibsen
Blood Meridian, Cormac McCarthy
Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman
Paradise Lost, John Milton
The Divine Comedy, Dante

Sunshine in the Morning

There is no sunshine this morning outside my house. There actually hasn't been a sunny morning in quite a while- instead gray skies and the deceiving brightness of light reflecting on snow have greeted me each morning. But there is plenty of sunshine inside my home in the morning. That sunshine radiates from my son. Will, to our immense delight, is a morning person. I am a moderate morning person, and so is Eli to a slightly lesser degree, but Will is a full-blown "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" kind of guy.

If he has been awake for a little while before we come to get him out of the crib he might give a "Hey! Where are you!" kind of cry, but the moment he sees us come into his room, he is all smiles. When we pick him up he either curls up towards us for some cuddles, or if he is feeling particularly spunky, starts kicking his legs and talking. The first order of business is a diaper change, and once he is on his changing table we are treated to a sort of Elvis/ Riverdance combination of hip rolling and fast footwork. (This particular behavior actually happens every time he is on the changing table, prompting our babysitter to ask if he is always so happy to get his diaper changed- yes, indeed he is.) He calms after a few minutes of his dance routine, and just looks up and us and smiles like we are the best thing to ever happen to him. Eli and I know that we love him more than we knew we could love, but to see the pure love in his eyes when he looks at us is beyond anything we could ever hope for, and fills me in a way I can't put into words.

His happy mood continues through his morning feeding and the little bit of talking/cuddle time we have before he goes back to bed for a couple of hours. The miraculous thing for me though, is that he repeats this joyful behavior pretty much every time he wakes up. He might wake up sad or occasionally scared from a bad dream, but as soon as he has had a minute or two with Momma or Daddy, all is right with the world again and he lets us know it.

We would love him just as much if he was a complete sourpuss in the morning, but the fact that he is such a happy baby is a blessing for us. No matter what, we always have sunshine in the morning.

Olympic Dreams

I love the Olympics. This love has developed since childhood. I remember being little and watching gymnastics during the Summer Olympics, and Figure Skating during the Winter Olympics. I cherry picked the popular events really up until the 2006 Winter Olympics. In '06 I watched as much as I could given that I worked a normal 40 hour week. I truly became a complete devotee though during the 2008 Summer Games. I was working from home at that time, and doing so allowed me to see almost every competition. I saw events that I never knew existed, and enjoyed every one of them.

Now the Winter Olympics have begun and I am so excited that I have actually been recording the 4 hour segments that NBC shows during the day and in prime time. Practically this allows me to skip commercials and cut down the amount of time needed to actually see the events. Honestly, I am doing it so I can re-watch those amazing moments that inevitably happen during the games. Underdogs defying expectations to take a medal, fallen champions searching for redemption and finding it, the older athlete whose continued competitiveness is questioned and wins anyway- all these stories captivate me.

I love seeing people succeed. I love when the unexpected happens and changes some one's life - and I get to witness it. Ask Eli, I am a sucker for anything where someone is surprised or rewarded. When someone beats the odds I get a rush. What it comes down to is I want to see peoples' dreams fulfilled. It makes me feel like we all have a chance to make our dreams come true. These athletes work harder in the short span of their sports careers than many of us can imagine. They sacrifice so much, and 98% do so with no recognition, no glory, no endorsements and no medals. As one of the commentators said during the opening ceremonies, for most athletes competing in the Olympics, the Opening Ceremony is their podium. The only recognition on the global stage they will receive. And still they compete and strive to be the best they can be. I LOVE that.

So I will be watching every event. The men's and women's biathlon has been one of our new discoveries. They have to cross-country ski (which is mostly uphill fyi) and then shoot 5 targets the size of a silver dollar from 50 meters away. In the longer distances of the event they have to ski, shoot, then ski and shoot again. At first the event seemed strange and archaic, but ultimately Eli and I were just amazed at athleticism and skill it takes to compete. I am sure we will be introduced to many other events we weren't aware of, and we will enjoy every one.

The Perfect Glazed Donut

It is hard not to love donuts. Not that we should love them- they are nothing but sugar and carbohydrates fried, covered and filled with more sugar. There is not a single nutritionally redeeming quality to them. But they are delicious. It cannot be denied. And for me, the pinnacle of donut greatness is the glazed donut. Genius in its simplicity of light texture and silken sweet coating, the glazed donut is what I always come back to. Don't get me wrong- I am often led astray by the wiles of the Long John or Bavarian cream, with their chocolate topping and custard centers, but my heart will always belong to the perfect glazed donut.

Unfortunately, I have not experienced the truly perfect glazed donut since I was a teenager. Believe me, there have been some close runners-up, but nothing has reached the perfection of the glazed donuts my Dad used to pick up in Morehead on a Sunday morning. I am not even sure where he used to get them (maybe the different grocery incarnations that lived in what is now the Sloan's Market) but they would appear almost like magic when my sister and I groggily stumbled out of bed on Sunday to get ready for church. Nothing since has lived up to the memory of those idealized treats.

There is one other note to this story. As a child, I got the chance to participate in donut greatness. As I have mentioned, my grandfather owned a bakery and restaurant well before I was the twinkle in any one's eye. His donuts were the stuff of legend, and I can't tell the number of times I was told about Dad having to go in to the bakery before school to start the donuts, and then smelling like them for the rest of the day, much to his chagrin. (Seems to me that the girls he went to high school with would have been drawn like flies, but perhaps they didn't want to acknowledge the lust in their hearts- for donuts anyway.)

I don't remember exactly how old I was when my brush with greatness occurred, but I would guess somewhere around 10. It was a Saturday morning, and Dad woke my sister and me up and told us to get dressed. He then packed us in the car and dropped us off at Da and Gran's house with no explanation. Once inside, we realized we were going to do something new that day. We spent the morning making donuts from scratch with Da. Gran assisted with keeping us clean, but mostly watched the show. We went through the entire process, creating the dough, watching rise, cutting the donuts, watching them rise, frying the donuts (which Da did and we watched from a safe distance) and most hands-on, glazing the donuts. We did the the really old fashioned way with our fingers, and while we definitely ended up with some scorched fingertips in the end, it was absolutely worth it

By the time we were finished with everything and the donuts were cooling on racks, it was time for lunch. Da made sandwiches for everyone and the 4 of us sat down to eat. Once finished Da got up from the table and brought back a TRAY of donuts. He looked at me and Kristi and said "Have at it". It was like Christmas and our birthdays all rolled into one. We ate, and ate and ATE. I couldn't even hazard a guess at how many donuts we managed to eat that day, but our little bellies were swollen by the time we were done. When I had come to a stopping point, Da asked me if I wanted anymore. I told him the truth- I really wanted to eat more, but I was afraid I would throw up if I did. Coming from a 10 year-old that must have been pretty funny because he threw his head back and laughed and laughed.

I will continue with my search for the perfect glazed donut, but as I look back on this I realize that I probably will never find anything as sweet or perfect as I have already had.

Groceries

I love to grocery shop. I think I must get it from Da (my grandfather) . I love walking up and down the aisles looking at all the produce, dairy products, meats, packages and cans. I see endless possibilities for yummy, fun and creative meals. I am an aspiring cook. I have no formal training, and probably never will though sometimes I daydream about taking classes. I also daydream of opening a restaurant/bakery much like the kind my grandfather owned and operated. I would call it Da's Place. But I digress.

Since moving to the St. Louis area, Eli starting a new job, and having Will, we are in, well, lets say a fixed financial situation. Going from two incomes to one has required much more budgeting and planning than we have previously needed to employ. Don't get me wrong, we are doing just fine, but it is a new situation. One of the ways we have budgeted and planned is to grocery shop once a month, with a supplement two weeks in for perishables and milk. (Before I go any further I must give credit to the wonderful Debbi Akers who is my inspiration for this endeavor.)

This process really starts with me sitting down a day or two before shopping and making out a monthly menu. This probably sounds more rigid than it actually is. I essentially plan on about 30 meals that we will have throughout the month and arrange them on a calendar for reference. We frequently change up what we are going to have on what night based on our mood. I have to say though it has been wonderful on those occasions when I don't really know what I want to make, because I can just check the calendar and make whatever is listed for that day. It also allows me to plan to make something on a Sunday or Monday afternoon that will last us 2-3 days. For example this week I made minestrone on Monday and we had it Tuesday and Wednesday as well. I love to cook, but with Will being so young still I find that trying anything too elaborate on a weekday can mean we aren't eating until 7pm or later, which simply murders our schedule with the baby for the rest of the night. Making things like soups, stews and slow cooker meals really helps.

So from that list of meals I create the grocery list. This eliminates another problem I used to run into. By knowing which meals I will be making, I can make a list that ensures I will not find out that I am missing an ingredient at a critical moment- like in the middle of making the dish. I also can buy larger quantities of certain items at a lower price and not have it sit on the shelves gathering dust. Another benefit of this system is that I am trying new recipes on a regular basis. I sit down with one of my cookbooks, or call Da, and my monthly menu usually includes 2-3 meals that we have not tried before. So far these new meals have been a success, and I get to expand my cooking horizons in the process. I should also mention that generally we are also eating healthier meals with more lean meat, vegetables frozen and fresh, beans dried and canned, and fewer starches and overly processed packaged foods. This is entirely due to the ability to plan and not some saintly conversion on my part.

Such planning also allows me to take on baking projects on the weekends. I have started making bread pretty regularly, whole wheat and white - though I think we both prefer the whole wheat. I am also able to make more things from scratch. I made a dark chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream that I have to say was killer. My hope is that I can continue to expand both my cooking and baking experiences through this practical vehicle. Oh, and not to forget the actual point of all this- budgeting- we save approximately $80-$100 a month on our grocery bill.

Ultimately, I go grocery shopping less now than I ever did, which given my love of the sport, you would think is bad thing. But, when I do shop I get to fill my cart to almost overflowing, which is extremely satisfying. So now I still get to go up and down ever aisle of the store, but now I don't just look.

And Day Two

Sitting here with the laptop open and a blank page staring at me, and I am searching for a topic that I think is interesting enough to write about. That is my problem, or at least one of them. I am editing myself before I have even had a chance to write. I have got to work on that.

Anyway, I mentioned in my first post that every journal except for one has died. The one survivor is actually an ongoing joint project between me and Eli. In January of 2009 we began a journal to chronicle our experiences as we tried to have a baby. The point was to record our experiences and also try to write down the things we are afraid of doing to our kids, and things we want to remember about how we want to raise them. When the journal started, we had just found out in December 2008 that we could likely have difficulty becoming pregnant. What we didn't know then is that when I wrote the first entry on January 4th of 2009, I was already pregnant.

It has been a little over a year since then and we have almost filled the first journal and have purchased a second. We haven't been perfect- there have been stretches of almost a month when we haven't written, and we are constantly trying to play catch up now that Will is here just trying to record as much as possible. Regardless of these lapses, this journal has become extremely important to me. I think of Will as an adult, about to become a father himself, and giving him the journal. I get a little leaky around eyes just typing it. I hope he will see how much he meant to us before we even knew he existed. And how scared we were.

We plan on writing a similar journal for the little brother or sister we hope to give Will in the next couple of years.

On a different note, Will has finally decided on a schedule. My son is a cat-napper and for a long time would wake up in the morning at different times, thus throwing his nap schedule up in the air. Well all that has changed- at least for now. Like clockwork, Will is awake at 7am for his first feeding, and once fed he goes back to sleep by 8am and sleep until 10am. That's right- 10am. This give me a solid 2 hours of grown up time that I haven't had in 4 1/2 months. That time is probably the only real chance this blog has, so I will hope he keeps this schedule for some time. He then gets up at 10, eats again and then has playtime until noon, at which point he takes another hour nap. Which means I get a lunch where I can actually sit down and eat without making goo-goo faces and dancing Mr. Giraffe around between bites. Will is up again at 1pm to- you guessed it- eat again, and then two more hours of playtime and cuddling with Momma. Nap again at 3pm, eat, play repeat. After the 3pm nap Will is usually up for the duration- rarely taking another nap before bed. This actually works out wonderfully because he gets to his longest stretch of awake time right around the time Eli gets home.

I know this scheduling coup probably isn't particularly interesting, but for me it has been a lifesaver. I actually feel like I might have a little of my sanity back. I love Will more than anything, but they ain't kiddin when they say the first months are tough. Wonderful, but tough.

Day Two- check.

If at first you don't succeed...

I have started many blogs, journals and diaries in my life and all except one has died a sad death from neglect. You can probably still find the remnants of some of these floating around the Internet and they all start with a similar disclaimer- that I am terrible at keeping up with such things but I will try really hard to do better. I am not going to state that disclaimer again. It is what it is. I want to start again though for a couple of reasons. First, I am a fairly devoted reader of a few blogs written by various people who have come in and out of my life. Some I have known since childhood, some I have only been acquainted with; some were very close to me during different times of my life, and others I have had only brief encounters with. But each writer I follow draws me in with their posts. I truly enjoy reading the little snippets of their big lives- be it a joke or funny story from their day, stream of consciousness meandering through the writer's thought process, or a serious examination of a life lesson or philosophy. I feel they contribute information that is valuable to me, and my hope is that I might be able to do the same for someone else.

Second, I am in a completely new phase of my life, and going through all kinds of new experiences, both good and bad, in a new place without a circle of friends nearby. My hope is that by occasionally writing about my joys and concerns, my highs and my lows, that I can reach out to others who have been through, or are going through similar experiences and we together might be able to provide each other support.

Finally, the biggest reason for attempting a blog again is purely selfish. I have over the years discovered discarded journals, re-read saved emails, and even sat down to read the printouts of ancient blogs long dead. When I have the chance to do this, I am always so grateful to have recorded my thoughts, however briefly. It is a wonderful thing to be able to look back on yourself and see what has changed, and what has remained the same. I feel the same as I did 10 years ago in many ways- but one session of reading my high school and college journals makes it clear just how much I have learned. Its not just a difference in maturity, though goodness knows that is evident. Reading my hopes, fears and aspirations brings back so many memories, and allows for a lot of self-reflection. It also is just so much fun. It is like opening a personal time capsule and finding a treasure trove of artifacts you had completely forgotten about in the course of your life since that moment. Therefore while I hope to garner a few followers of my own, I must be honest in saying this blog is really for me- letters to myself.

So this blog will be many things - hopefully. Probably a lot of day-to-day life will be recorded here, with the occasional pondering of a question or rant of frustration. I give all credit for my attempts to those who I follow devotedly: threat level midnight, Tony's Taco Stand, Itty Bitty in New York City, The Liam Files, and A Finer Thing. I hope I can live up to your excellent standards.