Auld Lang Syne

Or, for the sake of old times as it is loosely translated- I hope you all look back at this past year fondly and look forward to coming days with joy and anticipation for all that is possible. With or without a resolution, I hope to do just a little better this year than I did last in all things, and to enjoy life rather than rush through it. I hope for you to achieve whatever hope or goal you put before yourselves. Happy New Year faithful readers!

The Last Three Months, by Samantha Roberson

I had to take a moment and re-read my post from September 21st so I would know where to begin my story. Rather than pick up with the house, I am going to try and work through events of the past 3 months chronologically so I can catch up more quickly to fun things that have happened more recently.

Just 4 days after that mournful post, we celebrated my son's first birthday. It is extraordinary to me how much our lives changed in the course of his first year of life. After spending the first 6 weeks wondering if I was physically and mentally capable of caring for this small person, life began jumping ahead at an alarming rate. He is such an amazing little guy, and I truly hope his childhood doesn't all fly by so quickly.

We decided to invite 2 girls from Eli's lab who have done some babysitting for us along with their significant others to a birthday dinner. One of the guests is a vegetarian, so I took the opportunity to use a recipe I have for black bean pineapple enchiladas, cilantro-lime rice, and a green salad with Mexican influence. I also decided that I was going to make Will's cake, and go all out. Eli and I decided that a turtle cake would be perfect, first because I have the Bake-n-Fill pans that make dome shapes very simple, and because Will would love it.

I started with a crumb layer and let it set in the fridge overnight. Then I piped on the pattern for the shell.

Then I filled in the pattern, added the limbs and head, and added the face.

This cake, and the cupcakes I made in addition, started on Friday night the 24th, and took me most of the morning and early afternoon of the 25th to decorate. I am not a particularly experienced or skilled cake decorator, so I was stressing about how it would look. I ultimately was happy with this first attempt, and Will thought it was all wonderful.

Will in the bathtub, about to enter a cake coma.

Among Will's many wonderful birthday presents, we got him a convertible walking toy, that starts out looking like a scooter that he could push to help him learn to walk, and then converts into an actual car he can sit on and push himself. Our guests were kind enough to assemble it for us while we were giving Will a bath and cleaning up after dinner. I was not quite ready for Will to walk, but I knew he needed the practice.

After Will's birthday things settled down a bit. Will and I had been lucky enough too meet another mom and little boy close to Will's age, and we started having weekly play dates with them and occasional outings to local kid appropriate activities. It was so nice to find someone to hang out with during the day, and it has been good for Will's development too as the other little boy is 6 months older than Will, and can show him new things. I cannot stress what a life-saver this has been for me.

Meanwhile, we were still going through the process to secure a loan to fix the house. We FINALLY got through the paperwork, and had the appraisal for the house. We were beyond happy to find that the appraisal actually came back significantly higher than it was even just a year before. I guess the market was not as bad as we were led to believe and the improvements we had already made to the house had been smart investments. We got the approval for the loan, and signed the paperwork at the end of October. Work did not begin for almost a month after that.

End of October also meant it was time for our favorite holiday. We had talked for a LONG time about making Will a flying monkey, and we actually got the costume made. We decided to dress up with him, so I was the Wicked Witch and Eli was the Wizard of Oz.



We spent Halloween with our new play date friends and had a wonderful time taking Will around the neighborhood. He didn't last more than an hour, but that was perfect as far as we were concerned.

The beginning of November I started getting antsy for Will to start walking. Our pediatrician, as well as all the mothers I had been meeting, assured me that Will was just fine and would walk when he was good and ready. Some of our family on the other hand just couldn't understand why he wasn't walking and were quite vocal about it, which I admit added pressure for me. I tried to explain that he was perfectly healthy, and very, very tall for his age, which can actually delay walking a little, but I started worrying despite my own knowledge. Well, my son will always do things in his own time. Saturday, November 13th, we got up as usual and out of nowhere he just started walking into the middle of the room. No real practice, no easing in- he just started walking, and once again Eli got to tease me about worrying too much.

Work on the house started the week before Thanksgiving, and continued (with breaks for the holidays and for certain elements to set) until December 1st. We are really happy with the work, and even more importantly the general contractor who did the HUD inspection was also really happy with the work. We were even able to take some of the contingency money that we were required to hold out to replace the sliding glass door in the basement that had been damaged earlier in the year. Now we get re-frame the wall and put up drywall, finishing the basement the correct way.

Thanksgiving was very different compared to last year, in a really wonderful way. Last year one thing after the other went wrong, and this year NOTHING went wrong. The turkey was cooked perfectly, the sides were delicious, and the pie as tasty as it was pretty to look at. Will LOVED everything we offered him, which as those who deal or have dealt with toddlers will tell you, is unheard of. I braved the crazies and cold weather in the wee hours of Friday morning to go to Home Depot and snag a 7 ft LED pre-lit Christmas tree at an unbelievable price to replace the ragged, bargin bin tree we have had for 5 years. We got to decorate the tree and enjoy Eli's long weekend.

Since Thanksgiving, I have been in full Christmas mode. I love Christmas, and I tried really hard this year to do the things necessary to keep stress low. So far so good. I however, will save holiday talk for my next post. I know I have glossed over 3 months in just a few paragraphs, and I may think of other tidbits that i must share, but for now that pretty much catches things up.

Yes, I am alive. Yes I am a very, very bad blogger.

I don't even remember when my last blog entry was posted and I didn't pause to check before starting to write this one. I believe that the last time you heard from me I was having a HUGE pity party about my house falling apart. I have much to catch up on. Like my son's first birthday (and the awesome cake I made), Halloween, the house getting fixed (yes, FIXED!) and a wonderful Thanksgiving. I will share all these things with you, dear readers, very soon. But not right now. Right now I am acknowledging that I am a terrible blogger. But that is all I can say for now, because I am preparing for a Christmas party this Saturday. A party Eli and I are HOSTING. I am making TONS of food. I am simultaneously in heaven and stressed beyond reason. Think of me dear readers. I will be back soon.

Settlements and Suckers (?)

So I left another cliff-hanger on my last post, but my lack of follow-up has not been to build suspense (for all 6 of my readers) but because events and details have been constantly unfolding and taking all spare time that could otherwise be applied to writing. At this point we are in a holding pattern so I have time to catch things up.

Let me start with last summer when Eli and I flew to St. Louis for a whirlwind 2 day house hunting trip. We arrived in St. Louis at around 9am on a Friday, and in just one day we saw 11 different houses stretching over about a 20 mile area along the I-55 corridor South of St. Louis proper. We had allowed 2 days for this, but our realtor had suggested seeing as many on possible on Friday so that we could then have Saturday to make decisions or see more properties. It would turn out that our realtor would have many suggestions, and direct us in many ways, but I will get to that. I should also mention that I was about 6 1/2 months pregnant during this trip.

So we saw the houses. And most were out of the question, horribly dilapidated, outdated, damp or even dangerous. Perhaps 3 were possible, with only 2 real contenders. We knew with our budget that we were not going to have the creme de la creme to look at, but it was still very stressful. The realtor only showed us properties that were listed by her office, which also narrowed the field. After looking at all 11, we returned to the realtor's office to discuss our options. We mentioned the one that we felt was an actual option, and in short order we found ourselves making an offer on the house. It is not fair to say we were pushed, but given the situation and looking in retrospect I do think we were leaned on to some extent. Of course, we contributed to the situation ourselves because of our abbreviated timetable, but I do not think our best interests were being looked after by anyone involved.

So we made an offer, and with very little trouble it was accepted. We left St. Louis knowing that the next step would be the inspection and that we could still walk away if something bad turned up. The inspection report was given to us about 10 days later, and we were sent into another stressful situation. The house was built in 1967, and not surprisingly there were many things that were not updated. There was quite a laundry list of small, reasonable items, but three issues that caused great concern. 1) The roof was shot. 2) There was evidence that at some point the house had been treated for termites. 3) The inspector noted 1 foundation crack on the front of the house, and noted it as a facade crack.

We did not know what to do. I was sick at the prospect of trying to look for a new house less than 3 weeks before we were supposed to move, money was already tight and Eli still had work obligations to take care of. We talked to various people about the items on the report and ultimately came to the conclusion that we would require the roof be replaced by the sellers, require a history (with documentation) about the termite treatment as we were informed that is was from many years ago and there had been no recurrences, and finally, after strong suggestions from our realtor, a letter from the seller attesting that the crack listed on the inspection report had cause no water or settlement issues. All of these requirements were met and we continued with the sale.

So, fast forward a few weeks and find me, now 7 1/2 months pregnant, in the house alone while Eli was back in Baltimore finishing his work. Between moving in and that week I was alone we discovered the following issues that were not reported on the inspection: The en suite half bath toilet did not work, the master bedroom ceiling fan did not work, the master bedroom window was TAPED IN, the kitchen sink had a considerable leak, the garbage disposal did not work, the water line for the refrigerator ice maker did not work, half the outlets in the basement were not properly anchored in the walls, the downstairs sliding glass door (which they replaced before we moved in) had no working lock, and there was a hole in the finished portion of the basement ceiling. Now would also be a good time to mention that the owners mysteriously locked the keys inside the house on the day we were to close, and because the locksmith couldn't be reached, we did not get to do the customary walk-through before closing. So all these issues were discovered while we were unpacking or by me once Eli had returned to Baltimore. I called the realtor during that week and expressed my frustration about these issues, and my feelings that we had been misled about the condition of the house, and she basically told me my only option was to take it up with the inspector.

A couple of weeks after that we started noticing that when it rained we would get a tiny puddle of water in the unfinished portion of our basement. Eli tore down a section of peg board that had been put up as part of a workbench, and found a large crack in the wall- not the crack mentioned by the inspector, but another crack all together. We also found evidence of past water damage on the bottom of the peg board. We were both livid. We discussed taking the previous owners to court. We discussed the responsibility of the inspector, and even the realtor, who we had since found out had an unethical connection to the house. The seller's sister worked in the realtor's office. We discussed all these things and felt stupid and naive and like we had a sign reading "SUCKER" hung around our neck. We decided that we would have too hard a time proving fraud to go to court, and no money to spend on legal fees to even begin.

Fast forward again to Halloween of 2009. Halloween is our favorite holiday. We were so excited to spend the entire weekend in that mode, and couldn't wait to take pictures of Will in his bee costume. The week leading up to Halloween we had a historic amount of rain. Something like 13 + inches in 4 days. That Friday morning I got up as usual, and prepped my little bag of stuff to carry down with Will (who was barely 1 month old) and settle into the basement where we were spending most of our time at that point. I walked down the stairs and saw a large puddle of water in the unfinished part of the basement. It annoyed me, but didn't concern me because of our previous discovery. Then I walked into the finished area of our basement. I turned the lights on and discovered half of the finished basement was sitting in anywhere from 1-3 inches of water. I was so overwhelmed and upset. I called Eli and told him to hurry home and put Will in his playpen bassinet. I then began the task of retrieving both of our computers (still plugged in and running) from the standing water. Our cardboard file boxes of paid bills and other important documents, both our desks, our mini-fridge, 3 bookcases, and various other items were also standing in the water. I hauled and cried, and then Will began to cry. I couldn't pick him up because of the nasty water covering me, so at 1 month old he had to cry himself to sleep for the first time. It was horrible. Eli made it home in record time, stopping on the way to pick up a shop vac from Lowes. We spent the rest of the day sucking up water and trying to salvage our belongings. I don't think either of us have ever felt so horrible.

We talked to our insurance company, and found that such water damage is not covered by our policy. We also were told that many, many peoples' basements were flooding, and that it was more to do with the historic amount of rain than anything else. So once again we sucked it up and tried to make the best of it.

Fast forward a few more weeks to Thanksgiving, and we had a water problem of another sort. Our sewer line began backing up into our basement. As we found out later, the previous owners had also had problems with this, and instead of hiring a professional to correct the problem, they got a friend to come over with a bobcat and tried to fix it themselves. Clearly that did not work. So we had to have a plumber come out and snake the line, and discovered that they had run the wrong type of connector out to the main sewer line, and that it would have to be replaced if we wanted our entire line snaked. So we spent Thanksgiving weekend with plumbers digging in our yard and the shop vac sucking up the worst kind of yuck from around our basement drain. Thankfully the backup did not get far from the drain and none of our things were contaminated.

After that catastrophe things did calm down considerably. We did have to have a tech come out and do some work on our heater, but I believe that was routine maintenance. On top of the cost of the sewer line repair and basement cleanup, we took on several projects to improve the house over this last year. We replaced all the upstairs windows with super energy efficient windows, we replaced the broken ceiling fan in our room (we had the toilet repaired and the kitchen sink taken care of within two weeks of moving in), we added 5 feet of base cabinets and counter top in the kitchen, and a range hood was added over the stove top. We have done what we could to make the house better.

This brings us to present, specifically to the 9th of this month. Eli and I had gone downstairs that Thursday night after Will went to sleep so we could watch some television and relax. It had been raining most of the day, so on our way up at the end of the night we checked on the exposed crack in the unfinished part of the basement. Noticing it was leaking more than usual I went back into the finished area and found a small amount of water pooling at our baseboard. Eli and I were so upset. Eli immediately began preparing to attack the exposed crack with hydraulic cement, and we made the decision for me to cut away some of the drywall in the finished area to try and see what was going on back there. I grabbed one of Eli's wood chisels and set to work, only to find that I kept running into wood. I had specifically chosen the spots to cut in order to avoid hitting studs, so I didn't understand why I kept finding wood. Eventually I pulled off a strip of baseboard and chipped away at the drywall at that bottom of the wall. I uncovered two things- 1) the previous sellers when finishing the basement had backed the drywall (or just used drywall to cover) old 1/4 inch paneling, which kept the drywall from showing water damage and 2) the paneling was covered in mold. I stopped what I was doing to avoid uncovering any more mold, and Eli and I decided to start calling foundation repair companies the next day. We knew it would be expensive, but we also knew we couldn't allow things to continue as they were.

So here we are, almost 2 weeks later, and no work has been done. We have had 3 estimates ranging between $12,550 and $17,000 to repair what has universally been recognized as "significant foundation settlement". The foundation is cracked on both sides of the house and half my house is sliding down the hill it is situated on. This is horrible news, but made worse (yes it is possible) by the fact that we do not have the cash to correct this problem, and being in the house only 14 months have not nearly enough equity for a home equity loan. I don't know if you dear readers are aware, but we are in a recession, and the banks have all but eliminated most types of personal loans, and majorly reduced the maximum for home improvement loans. So we have one option available to us: a HUD backed 203(k) loan, typically utilized by companies rehabbing multi-dwelling structures. It is a loan program established to allow buyers to update and maintain the country's existing housing inventory. It is actually a wonderful type of loan, because it will allow us to finance based on the future value of the home after the repairs are made. However, in order to get this loan, our house has to appraise at a certain value in order for us to be able to get the money we need. If it appraises too low, we don't get the loan and we are out the $400 for the appraisal. This is very scary, because while we did at least pay less than the appraised value of the house last year, the market in this area has continued to decline, and all home values are down. If this option does not work out for us, we do not know what we will do next.

So writing all of this, and then reading it back, I feel like a huge sucker. There are so many points where I know you would say, "well you should have done something then" or "you should have known by this" and it makes me feel sick. We are not stupid people. I think we may have been a bit naive to put our trust so completely in the realtor, and all the other people associated (recommended by the realtor) but we are not stupid. We did as much as we could possibly do remotely. I did research on the area, we both read articles on things to look for, we carefully reviewed the inspection report, such as it was. Despite all of that we were taken advantage of. In getting these estimates and talking to countless banks and mortgage companies, two points have been raised time and again. The foundation people have all agreed that this damage was concealed purposefully, to the point the one contractor has offered to serve as an expert witness at no charge should we decide to pursue a legal case. The other is that we were maneuvered by a shady realtor. One loan officer guessed who our realtor was without me providing and specific information, and I when I confirmed her guess she said "That realtor is a terrible person, and if you want me to I will contact a lawyer who works with us to see what kind of case you have." Evidently the realtor is purported to work unethically at the expense of new home buyers. It just figures that we would end up with such a person after trying so hard to be smart. I can't decide if I feel better or worse knowing that we aren't the only ones to fall into this trap.

Anyway, enough of this for now. We will be dealing with this process for the next several weeks, possibly months, and I cannot dwell on it constantly or I will make myself sick. So we are going on with life. We have taken precautions to make sure that the tiny amount of exposed mold is contained, and Will does not go into the basement at all now. I am trying to do normal things with him and for myself so I am not dominated by this situation. Luckily, we have a very special birthday to celebrate this Saturday, so I can focus on that, the turtle cake I plan to make, and the friends we are having over for the occasion. That is the best we can do for now.

Big Trip

It has been a strange and fast moving month since last I wrote. The week leading up to my trip home to Morehead flew by, primarily due to all the planning, packing and cleaning I did in preparation for the trip. Despite every one's concerns about me driving alone with Will (several people outright questioned my sanity)the time in the car was altogether pleasant and uneventful. Will was extremely cooperative and slept for the first 2 hours of the trip to Morehead, and our only major fussing spell was after the first stop on that same trip, when he wasn't at all ready to get back into the car seat. Otherwise he spent a lot of time awake, either playing with his toys or just looking out the window. I think it was the easiest car trip I have taken with him so far.

My time in Morehead was busy, but not overly so, and I got the opportunity to see many people that I haven't in a long time. The first night's sleep was terrible. I mistakenly thought we would be fine sharing one room, not realizing that instead of putting himself back to sleep as he normally would in his own room, when seeing me Will instead began crying insistently and I spent most of the night getting him back to sleep only to have to jump up again the moment he became aware he was back in the playpen. Thankfully we corrected the sleeping situation for the rest of the trip and we both slept much better, if with much earlier mornings. After arriving on Monday and spending the evening with Aunt Liz and Uncle Mickey, Tuesday I packed everything back up and headed to Park Lake. I have not gotten to spend any real time at Park Lake in a couple of years, and it was so nice to have some peaceful time there. I know Da enjoyed having Will all to himself, and we got the opportunity to let Will get into the water for the first time. He loved it! He had no problem with it being a big body of water, and he let me walk out with him until the water was about up to my chest. His favorite thing by far though was to sit in the shallows and kick and splash. We even lucked out as he didn't notice until the second day that the floor of the lake was dirt that he could pick up, throw, or try to eat.

Tuesday night Will and I got to have a wonderful meal with Ann (author of A Finer Thing ) and David in their beautiful new home. Ann prepared a delicious dinner and I truly enjoyed introducing them to Will and catching up. I have to also share that Ann went well above and beyond when realizing that I had left one of Will's sippy cups at her house, and made what is inevitably an inconvenient side trip to Park Lake the next day to make sure that we had it back for the rest of our trip. Given that I had just realized it was missing the next morning, it was such a shock to have it delivered to the cottage by way of a neighbor who had met Ann at the gate. Thank you again Ann, and I hope I can visit again.

Wednesday was another quiet day at the Lake, and Thursday morning as well. Thursday afternoon we packed up and came back into town. Kristi asked us to come over that night for dinner, which we did, and I got have Pasquales pizza. I haven't had anything from Pasquales in years, and that pizza was killer. Kristi and Jeremy and Olivia got to play with the little man, and we even gave him his bath at her house so we wouldn't have to leave quite so quickly.

Friday was probably the most relaxing day of the trip, because we did very, very little. Will loved looking at, talking to, and trying to touch Bella (the springer spaniel) and Bella took it fairly well. They even had some baby/puppy conversations that the rest of us were not privy to. Will and I stayed at the house with Aunt Liz and Uncle Mickey, and only went out during the day for a trip to the grocery store and Walmart. The Walmart trip was made a little interesting by the fact that is started pouring the rain as we stood in line to check out. But we made it home without getting soaked and all was well. That afternoon Kristi asked me to stop by Holbrooks so she could show Will off to some co-workers, which led to another wonderful treat. I was rushing through the visit because we were planning on going out to eat with Aunt Liz and Uncle Mickey at Pop's in Salt Lick, and they wanted to get there early to avoid the crowd. As I was rushing out of the parking lot, a large, shiny red pick-up was pulling in, and I stopped to try and make way. The driver waved me on, which made me look at who it was. The driver was Mr. Hardin, my high school homeroom teacher, for whom I was a teacher's assistant and worked for with the baseball team. Mr. Hardin was one of my favorite teachers and aside from a few e-mails and one random run-in many years ago, I haven't seen him since graduation. I rolled my window down and he did the same, and I quickly realized I had to stop and talk to him. It was so good to see him, and to introduce him to Will. It was also interesting for me because it was the first time I had interacted with him and not felt like his student. I was on equal footing and it didn't really occur to me until afterward how different it was. Not living in Morehead, (really haven't lived there full time in 10 years, which is crazy to me) I haven't seen many of my high school teachers, so I guess I just assumed I would feel exactly as I did when I was a high school student. It was different, but ultimately really nice, and I promised I would e-mail him every once in a while.

Dinner at Pop's was awesome, and forced me to loosen up a bit regarding Will's food. Being at home with him all the time, I have done alot to ensure that he eats very healthily. I still make all his food in batches and freeze it, and I even make monthly calendars (which I know sounds extremely anal retentive but I swear it is as much for my convenience as anything). There really wasn't much option to bring Will's food with us though, so I was at the mercy of Pop's Southern Style Barbecue menu. To give credit, Pop's did offer steamed vegetables as a side with their kid's meal options, and I was able to order Will a grilled cheese sandwich. Between Aunt Liz and I, Will ate very well, and even got a few bites of french fries. I got to see that while I will still feed him healthily as much as possible, occasionally such things are a fun treat for everyone. I ate very well too (if not healthy AT ALL) and got the catfish with fries, and fried chocolate pie for dessert. Just thinking of that pie right now is making my mouth water and my arteries clog as I type.

Saturday Will and I headed to Lexington to see Amy, Wayne and Max, and to attend a very special wedding. You faithful readers may recall that a brief playtime with Max directly and immediately led to Will crawling, and I wondered if further interaction would push Will closer to walking. While no developmental leaps were made that day, I do think the boys enjoyed playing (as much as any babies that age do) and I know I had a great time catching up with Amy. We got ready together and drove together to see the wedding of Laura Williams to Brian Jewell. I did not know the groom or his family, but I have known Laura since we were 5 years old in Daisy Scouts together, and I was so happy I got to share in that day. This was said at the reception, and I have for years been describing Laura as "truly the sweetest person I have ever met". I have even gone so far to say that it might be too much sweetness to bare in normal circumstances, except she is so honest and genuine that you cannot help but to know her sincerity and love her. Laura looked absolutely radiant as she came down the aisle and took her vows, and calm in a way that I associate with people who are completely certain and at ease with the choice they have made. As a couple they looked like two perfectly fitted pieces of a puzzle. Dena was kind enough to take the boys up to the children's' wing so Amy and I could focus on the ceremony. The reception afterward was fun, and made much easier for me by Maura, who I didn't know would be there, and who almost immediately took Will off my hands and carried around all through the food line. Then Molly took over and gave me a chance to eat and make a plate for Will. Between Maura and Molly I think Will was introduced to most of the room, and he put on quite a show. After a very brief moment with the Bride, Amy and I watched the couple cut the cake, and made our exit before our boys could potentially cause interruptions. The day went too fast, and I wish we had had more time to spend at Amy's house, but it was a good day and once again Will behaved like a perfect gentleman. After I got back to town and put Will to bed, I got a chance to go get some ice cream with Maura and catch up, which was really nice since I had missed my opportunity around the reunion because of my stupid broken ankle.

Sunday was family day at Park Lake. I headed out early with Will so Da could have some more one-on-one time with him before the rest of the crew showed up. By late afternoon everyone was there and we had a nice meal on the front porch. The day was fairly quiet and uneventful, but really nice to have a meal with everyone like we used to do quite often in the summer. We said bye to Da that night and went back to town. Once back in Morehead I put Will down to sleep and started repacking and doing laundry for the trip home.

Monday morning went by in a flurry of packing and loading the car. Maura stopped by for a while and then Kristi and Olivia made an appearance. It turned out that all of us (except Maura) were on our way to Lexington so we ended up caravanning there. We all had lunch together at Fayette Mall, and then Kristi, Liv and I walked around for a while. Around 2pm I said goodbye to everyone and Will and I headed to Daphne's house, where we would be staying the night. Daph and Willie had been dealing with emergency puppy surgery for Mr. Wiggles, but he came home that morning and was resting comfortably. Daph and I hung out for the rest of the day, and fairly late that night (fitting in a trip to Graters for some amazing ice cream) before hitting the hay.

Tuesday morning we got up, had breakfast, packed the car and got on the road home. Once again Will was such a good guy and did very little fussing. Still, by the time I was an hour from home I was SO tired, and ready to be finished. Those last miles seemed to stretch to eternity, and by the time I got into the driveway I have never been so glad to be home in my life. Eli was waiting for us and it so good to see him. It's nice to know after being together for 6 1/2 years and married for almost 4 that I get that tingle of excitement when I see him. Will was extremely happy to see Daddy, and they had a love fest while I got the bags unloaded.


So that was my big trip. It was fun. It was exhausting. I am so thankful to have Eli, and his help and support were made even more valuable to me by me having to do everything on my own for 8 days. I really enjoyed getting to see old friends and have time in the place where I grew up. Unfortunately, just a couple of days after I got home we ran smack into some bad news that we are still trying to deal with. But that is for the next post.

Home Again

One of the perks that Eli and I both looked forward to when thinking of my stay-at-home status is the fact that I can take trips to Morehead without having to shuffle schedules or negotiate time off. The first real opportunity to take advantage of this wonderful flexibility was meant to be a week-long trip in mid-July that would bookend my 10-year high school reunion. Unfortunately, my horrible timing and broken ankle killed that trip. I was more than a little bummed about this, so when Dr. Maynard gave me the all-clear to drive again on the 13th, I immediately began discussing with Eli a potential trip to Eastern Kentucky. We agreed we could make it work, so Will and I will be taking our first one-on-one road trip to the Hardwood Capital of the World on August 30th to stay for just over a week.

The planning for a trip like this with an almost 11 month-old is similar to that of a minor invasion. Discipline, strategy and luck all play important roles. I have already started a master packing list (in excel, with columns to check off items as they are packed) as well as a secondary list of clothing so I don't pack too much for either of us. There is also a list of food that will ultimately include a menu for Will covering the entire week since he is not yet eating straight table food and I still make and freeze all his foods. Needless to say the list is long. My aunt and uncle will certainly feel like we have invaded, and they will not be wrong.

Despite the stress I feel when I think of all the things I am going to be handling on my own for 8 days, I am extremely excited to go to Morehead for such a long stretch of time. Most of our trips to Kentucky are split between both families, which always makes everything seem rushed. Also, I still think of Morehead as home. I realized not long ago that I have not actually lived in Morehead for 10 years (if you exclude summers home from college) but I still refer to it as home in my mind and when talking to others. I wonder when that will finally change?

I am looking forward to spending time with family and friends, going to Park Lake to swim with the little man, and going to the wedding of a high school girlfriend. I would love to visit with any of my dear readers that are still in the Morehead area, so message me or give me a call and we can plan to meet up. In the meantime I will continue to fine-tune the invasion plan and collect supplies.

Confession

I have a confession to make, and I know it is truly going to shock you. I have thought long and hard about making this public, and I have decided that I must be honest. I know that none of you faithful readers would ever guess this about me, so prepare yourselves. I have an unhealthy need for... your comments. There. I said it. For better or worse the truth is revealed. I know I started this blog with all this great talk about how it was truly for me, letters to myself that I can look back on and remember old times fondly, and blah, Blah, BLAH!!!! Who are we kidding here? I crave your feedback like a kid craves Pixie Sticks. When I post a new blog I check back on it several times THAT DAY with no other hope in my heart than to see that there are comments from my readers. I am always disappointed when there is nothing new for me to see. For the record I am the same way about posting notes and status messages on Facebook. I love the fact that when you log in you get a little red flag that tells you that someone thought you were cool enough/important enough to respond to something you had to say. I find the thumbs up to be somewhat less satisfying, but I will absolutely take what I can get.

I think any blogger, were they being completely honest, would admit that they are not just writing for themselves. I am sure that even the most successful bloggers who have thousands and thousands of readers don't necessarily take time to read every comment, but I feel certain they poll at least a few to see what the consensus about the piece was (or they pay someone else to do it since they are probably making BANK from all the advertising money.) The point is to share thoughts, and while I can acknowledge that there are some out there for whom comments are NOT the driving force, if sharing and feedback wasn't at least a factor, who would publish what they think on the web? A blog without feedback is a diary, which has its place, but not on the web.

So I am making this confession for one reason. To shamelessly beg you, dear readers, to throw me a bone here. I understand you are busy, and that you don't necessarily care about what I am writing, well, most of the time. But do a girl a favor and once in a while leave me a thought. Honestly, it doesn't even HAVE to be about what I have written, though that would obviously be nice. I have no pride here. I need your comments. I need them here, and if we happen to be facebook friends, I need them there too. I know I am a sad, attention-starved creature, but can you honestly say you are surprised?

No Internet

I want to make it clear that while my own slacker tendencies did contribute to the last span between posts, the primary reason I have been absent was lack of home internet service. The last two weeks I have been a disconnected person in a connected world. I knew that I used the internet frequently on a day-to-day basis, but until this cold turkey cut-off from the world wide web, I had no idea what an internet junkie I truly am. I suppose it makes sense. I spend my day with a charming little guy with a high cute factor but not much yet in verbal skills. I am not well-acquainted with many people in the community, and my schedule is somewhat restricted by said charming little guy's schedule. My friends and family all live a sizable distance from me. Given all these factors it is no wonder that the internet is my social (and intellectual for better or worse) lifeline.

I have to say that I find myself very lucky to have such a lifeline. I know my situation would be much lonelier if I was a stay-at-home mom in the pre-internet world. I can check in with friends regularly, and keep up with old school friends that time and circumstances might have otherwise kept me from. I speak with family regularly on the phone, but more and more I can communicate with them online as well. I know many people choose to retreat from the world to live in an internet-only world, but I find that having this connection pulls me out of the little world within the walls of my house and into the bigger picture. I love getting out with Will and visiting with people and going places, but I also love sitting here in the quiet and visiting with people from the comfort of my recliner.

So can you tell I have been without internet for a few weeks? I don't think I have sung such high praises for anything on this blog since my contemplation of the perfect glazed donut. Anyway, it is time for me to go do very important things with my remaining quiet time of the day- things like checking facebook and google reader and all my much-loved and long-missed favorite websites. More to come soon!

Recovery

Given the fact that I spent June 21-July 11th moving as little as possible, and the 12th through the 22nd needing the assistance of first a walker, and then a crutch, you would think that I would have plenty of time to post to my blog. Clearly that did not happen. I will say that recovering from an ankle brake and surgery is not fun. The 10 days between the day I broke my ankle and the actual surgery were terrible. I had a splint during that time, which was itchy and uncomfortable, but that only became an issue in the second half of that span. First I had to deal with the horrible swelling, massive bruising up the top of my calf alot higher than you would think for an ankle brake, and a significant amount of pain. Matters were not improved by the fact that narcotic pain medicines make me sick, at worst causing vomiting and at best making me feel like I am going to vomit and being very woozy.

Surgery day was as good as you can expect when you consider that I am irrationally scared of having an IV put in. I have conquered my issues with shots and having blood drawn, but IVs definitely scare the bejezus out of me. I am not scared of being put under either. Just the stupid IV. I actually worked myself up so much that I almost passed out when they put it in. And the ironic part is that the nurse was amazing and it was the least painful IV I have EVER had. It actually hurt less than the blood they had to draw afterward, the one that I was completely calm for.

They tried to give me a nerve block before surgery for pain management post-surgery. For those of you who are not familiar, a nerve block is a cousin to the epidural, but more localized. In this case they were aiming for a set of nerves at the top of my calf that they could numb for up to 3 days. This does however, involves several shots of a local anesthetic, then an electrical current that is used to make the nerves jump so the doctor can locate them, and then a very, very large needle to actually inject the anesthetic to the nerves. They gave me a wonderful cocktail of happy drugs to make this process less traumatic (one of the anesthesiologists actually referred to it as my personal pitcher of margaritas), and ultimately gave me some other meds as they went through the procedure. I remember this, but mostly in the way you kind of remember doing something dumb while intoxicated and a friend telling you about it afterwards. Unfortunately, they could not find the nerves they were looking for easily, and they decided it wasn't worth the pain I was dealing with to try and continue. So no nerve block. Of course, I was so hopped up on drugs I was not particularly upset about this. Eli said that once he came back to the room (they made him leave for the procedure) that one of the techs asked what medicines I had been given, and when told he looked at me and with disbelief said, "and she is still awake?", to which the same anesthesiologist who gave me my pitcher of margaritas said, "oh yeah, she can hold her liquor."

Shortly after that they rolled me into surgery. I remember helping to get on the operating table and seeing the friendly guy that was going to put me under. The next thing I remember is coming to and my ankle THROBBING. I couldn't even open my eyes. I know I spoke out loud and told whoever was nearby that it hurt, and I know that they moved around me to give me pain meds. I have no idea how long I was in that recovery area before they moved me back to a room, but I know a nurse was beside me most of the time because she would have to remind me to breath every few minutes because I was so drugged up that I was breathing too slowly and my pulse ox machine was sounding an alarm. Once they moved me to a private recovery room, Eli came back and I remember him telling me that Dr. Maynard had spoken with him and said everything went very well and there were no complications. I was happy, but so out of it that I didn't really think about it much. I did register that I had a walking boot on rather than a cast, and that did stick with me- I had expected to have to be in a hard cast for a while before moving to a walking boot.

Again I have no idea how much time passed, but way sooner than I thought was reasonable they wanted me to get up and walk around with the physical therapist. I was not happy about this since I couldn't even keep my eyes open. The therapist tried to give me a little time, and talked about using a walker instead of crutches, which we all agreed would be better. I know I whined and pouted about getting up, and told them all repeatedly I didn't think I could, but eventually they got me out of bed. I wasn't worried about my ankle; honestly I couldn't really feel it at that point. I was afraid that I was so woozy from the drugs that I would collapse and make everything worse. Thankfully that did not happen, though a few steps in I did have to sit down and be sick into a bowl because of all the drugs.

They let me go back to the bed pretty quickly after that, and started getting me dressed to go home. Things seemed to move really fast, but that was probably just the drugs. I don't remember the drive home really, and I have only a vague recollection of getting into the house. Once in bed I tried to call everyone who I know was waiting for news, but my throat was killing me from the tube they had put in for the surgery. So I would call someone and then pass out for a while, call someone else and pass out again. I repeated this routine several times, and have since learned that I called people I don't really remember calling. That night Eli brought me Panera grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup, of which I ate almost none, and I took some medicine and went to bed.

All of that happened on July 1st. The next couple of days are not very memorable for me between the pain meds and sleeping alot. Dad came back on his way home from Morehead and stayed another night, and then Daphne came in on the 5th. She brought presents with her in the form of a replacement tv and a new dresser for our spare room. I know I was feeling better by the time she got here because I made her a lemon goo cake for her birthday ( a few days late) and she was surprised that I was not more pathetic than I was. I still couldn't do much at that point. I was on the walker and still got tired pretty quickly. Daphne took over most of the things Eli had been doing so that he didn't have to miss any work. It was a life-saver. That next Thursday, the 8th, I had an appointment with Dr. Maynard, where I found out I could put some weight on the ankle (no more than 50%, and try to stay around 33%) and that everything looked good. I was to come back in two weeks for another follow-up appointment.

Daphne and I got along surprisingly well for two people with radically different personalities who have never lived in the same space for more than 2 weeks, and who certainly have never spent so much forced time together. I would be lying if I said it was all sunshine and unicorns, but we never had any actual fights and the bad moods were spread fairly evenly between the two of us. On the two weekends she was here she spent most of her time downstairs while Eli and Will and I stayed upstairs, which I think was a very smart decision. I gradually improved over those two weeks; I started staying out in the living room during the day more while Will was awake, started feeding him again, and started spending some time in the floor with him. Monday the 12th I got the staples out and Sarah (the nurse) told me I could take normal showers as long as i didn't put too much weight on the leg. This was HUGE for me, I had been making due with sponge baths (with the exception of one shower taken with a garbage bag and various other barriers on my boot the Friday before the staples came out) and showering like a normal person did huge things for my morale. (I should also note that we had no internet access for basically that entire week which probably also contributed to my not posting any blogs.)

On the other hand, this slow but steady improvement had a downside in that I became extremely impatient to be able to do things normally. Any of you who have ever had to rely on others to do things you would normally do yourself are aware of how uncomfortable it can be. I already felt bad that Eli and Daph were having to do so much for me that I didn't want to ask more of them, so I sat with things in my head that I wanted done but knew wouldn't get done. It is so frustrating to be in that situation, because nothing seems normal or comfortable, or like it belongs to you anymore. Anytime I did break down and ask I felt resentful and nitpicking and the same time, which also did not help my mood. Unfortunately Eli got the brunt of this bad mood when it escaped (though Daph got her fair share too) and this led to lots of little squabbles between Eli and I. Thankfully he was understanding and I was aware of the cause so we didn't get beyond squabbling, but still, that is no fun for anyone.

Will had a hard time adjusting to everything, and it manifested itself in multiple ways. He still wasn't back to sleeping though the night, he wasn't napping like he should, he was not listening to anyone and getting into everything he knows he isn't supposed to. Suddenly my good little guy who I could usually handle easily on my own was being just about too much for two adults to handle. Thankfully after the first 4 days Daphne was here he finally started sleeping better, and the other behavior started to come back down to normal as well. He was definitely mad at me for a while after the fall because I had to suddenly stop nursing, which upset both of us. I think for him it was more of a rejection issue than a nutritional one, but he was pretty anti-Momma for a little while. Thankfully that has finally gone away too.

So the week leading up to to my appointment on the 22nd I was pushing my limits a little bit. I was down to walking with just one crutch, and occasionally limping around small areas without even that, which earned me dirty looks and comments from Daph and Eli. I was just so ready to be able to do more and not have the stupid boot on anymore. On the 22nd, I got the most wonderful news from Dr. Maynard. He looked at my x-rays and told me things looked great and that I would be getting a smaller air cast instead of the boot, and I could now put full weight on the ankle!!! I was over the moon! The smaller cast is amazing and so much easier to get around with. I was also told after an adjustment period to make sure I was stable that I was allowed to carry Will around again. This meant that I could take care of him again on my own!!!! Daph stayed around until Saturday morning to make sure everything was good, and then she headed home. Meanwhile, our friends Ali and Justin came in on the 23rd and stayed for the weekend which was so much fun! We played games and hung out and had a great time. They left Sunday night, and for the first time in almost a month Eli and I had the house to ourselves again. It was amazing to feel like things were really getting back to normal.

So that pretty much brings me to now. Yesterday was my first day alone with Will since the fall and it went really well. I was pretty tired at the end of it, but we didn't have any problems at all. Today has been the same. We are getting more company tomorrow by way of Robbin and Olivia, and I am really looking forward to seeing them. Eli is also glad they will be here, and for the additional reason that they can help me some during the day. He is very concerned that I don't do too much too quickly. I am still in the air cast and will be until at least my next appointment with Dr. Maynard, which is on the 13th. I still can't drive. I still walk with a significant limp, and every step hurts. But things are improving all the time, and my recovery is on the fast track.

My Baby is Becoming a Little Boy

I have tried to deny it for a while now. I have ignored the signs, pretended not to see the changes. But like it or not, it has happened. My baby is becoming a little boy right before my eyes. It seems like it happened overnight, but truthfully he has been developing rapidly over the last couple of months. When we went to visit Dad at the beginning of April, he could barely scoot on his belly across a blanket to get to a toy. Over the month of April he got better and better at what Robbin calls, and I have stolen, the army man crawl. Belly on the floor, arms and legs working in unison to scoot himself rapidly across the floor. He finally started sitting up a little more as we went into May, ( a skill I was worried he would never master; turns out he was just too busy to sit still)and his motor skill development with his toys improved dramatically.

Then in mid-May we had the big game-changer. We took a trip to Morehead, and during that weekend he got to meet Max, son of Amy and Wayne, who is just over 3 months older than Will. Max could crawl like a champ, sometimes on his hands and feet rather than knees, and he could pull up to standing on any stationary object. Well, never let it be said that my son isn't competitive, because within the brief playtime they shared, Will took his first fully crawling steps, and managed to pull up on a music table belonging to Max. It was amazing. He had never made it past getting into the crawling position prior to this visit, let alone shown any signs of trying to pull up on something. Thank you Max for showing Will the way.

Now I truly have a rug-rat. Gone are the days that I could set him down for a minute to take something to the kitchen or run to grab something from his room and come back to find him in the general vicinity of where I left him. We have now entered the world of baby gates and child-proofing EVERYTHING and the word "NO". His almost simultaneous discovery of how to pull up to standing has also added to this interesting new child I live with. Seeing him stand without my help is a big sign slapping me in the face that my baby isn't so little anymore.

With all the freedom of movement and need to explore everything I have lost the little guy who was perfectly content to cuddle in Momma's lap. It is sad to realize that this is just the first tiny little taste of what will be the journey of independence my son will make away from me. It is a good journey, and so important for the man he will become, but it is also hard on me. I knew he wouldn't stay my little baby forever, but I wasn't prepared for how fast it would go. So I am a little sad sometimes to see how big he is already.

The upside is huge though. I have this expressive, energetic, inquisitive, funny, stubborn, smart little boy who makes me laugh all the time and causes me to see things so differently now. Everything is exciting for him, and as a result, for me. He wants to know what everything is, and wants to get his hands on it. It can be exhausting, but also stimulating. I appreciate things so much more. I look forward to little activities and new experiences equally. He makes life so much richer. I am so glad that I get to see the world through my little boy's eyes.

The Fall

Alright, so I dropped my little bombshell yesterday, and now it is time to explain. Monday was a very normal day. Will was up at 7am and played with me and his toys until 9am when he had his breakfast. At 10am he laid down for a nap, which normally lasts for about 2 hours, but on Monday was shorter, only about an hour and half. We had more playtime, lunch at noon, and nursing at 12:45. At about 1:30 I laid him back down for his second nap. I sat in the recliner in our living room and checked my email, surfed the net a bit, and chatted with a friend from Baltimore. I must emphasize that this was all completely normal and I felt fine all morning.

Shortly after 2:00, I heard Will wake up from his nap, again earlier than usual. I put the computer down and walked into his nursery. I did my usual talking to him while he stands up at the side of his crib and then picked him up and moved him to the changing table. After laying him down I was suddenly extremely hot and dizzy, my hearing was momentarily tinny and I remember thinking "Why do I feel like this?" I must have tried to steady myself by holding onto the changing table, but I then lost control of my limbs, stumbled around, and fell. I heard the bones in my left ankle snap, and I had the moment of simultaneously being horrified because I knew I had broken it, and hoping I was wrong and the sound I heard was something else. I grabbed my ankle and made some not very happy noises, and immediately looked up to see Will looking down at me from the edge of the changing table. I had to get him down. So I scooted over just a little to be able to reach him, and pulled him down to me. He was already upset because he had a dirty diaper, and now he was scared because I fell. I put him in the floor for a second and I processed what I needed to do, and he immediately started to crawl away from me and towards some cords. I grabbed him and got myself to the crib ( I am a little fuzzy on how exactly I did it). The first try of putting him in the crib I was still on my butt and couldn't reach far enough to get him in the crib. So I hooked my arm around his middle and got myself onto my knees (which hurt, well, ALOT) and was able to get him into the crib. Thankfully, once I got onto my knees it hurt less because there was less pressure on the ankle, and I think adrenaline had kicked in. I turned and crawled out of the nursery, down the short hallway and into the living room where my cell phone was sitting. I would love to say I did all this stoically and without a sound, but that would be a lie. I will say that it seems strange to me that while I definitely made some crying sounds, I didn't actually cry at that point. There were no tears and I wonder if that is just a typical trauma thing- lots of moaning and such but i didn't cry until later in the hospital. Anyway, I called Eli's lab and scared the life out of one of his co-workers telling her "It's Sam, I need Eli- its an emergency". I just didn't have time to explain. So she ran and got Eli very quickly and I gave him the gist- fell down, broke ankle, calling 911, Will is fine in the crib. He said ok and was off the phone. At this point my calm was disappearing pretty quick. I dialed 911 and got some general operator, and they transferred me to the medical operator. I got my address out first and then the rest of the information. As I talked to the operator I realized that the EMTs wouldn't be able to get in because the doors were locked, so I crawled over and unlocked the front door, and just laid there in the floor talking to the operator. I deteriorated pretty badly at that point. I don't remember the conversation very well but there was alot of moaning and worrying about Will, and then apologizing about doing both. The operator was wonderful and did her best to keep me as calm as possible.

The EMTs arrived and things got better very quickly. I of course did not want them to touch my ankle, which simply isn't realistic, and they ultimately got me in a foam splint and onto the gurney. There were three men, a middle-age man who was quiet but firm and the authority figure, a man who was probably in his mid-30's who was very friendly and kept me talking, and a man who had to be in his mid-20's who watched over Will. They were wonderful. When they were taking my vitals they sat Will down next to me and he instantly stopped crying and just looked at me and everything that was going on. They ended up packing him into his car seat and taking him with me in the ambulance. Will was so funny- his eyes were HUGE, but he didn't get scared or cry again, he just took it all in. They gave him a little teddy bear and he really seemed to like that.

The trip to the hospital was quick and uneventful. The EMT in his 30's talked to me during the ride, asked me some questions and even suggested that maybe I would be lucky and it would only be a bad sprain. In my mind I was thinking he was crazy, but to be fair there was no obvious deformity to my ankle and it hadn't started swelling when they were with me, so it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. As we were arriving they got a message from the ER that they were run over with people and that i might have to sit in a wheelchair and wait to be seen. The EMTs got me in the ambulance bay and into the hall, where a volunteer was waiting with a chair. The EMT who had talked to me during the ride took one look at that and said, "Hold on I will be right back". When he reappeared he said "Take her to room 8, I pulled some strings". I could have kissed him full on the mouth when he said that. I could not imagine trying to sit in a chair with my ankle like it was and trying to keep Will calm while he was strapped in his car seat. So they wheeled me into the room and helped me onto the bed. Then they disappeared. I wish I had gotten their names so I could send a big thank-you, but I do know which ambulance house they came from so I should be able to track them down.

Once in the room things continued to calm down. Will played in his car seat with a rattle I had in the diaper bag. The registration nurse came in to get my information, and I think she got interrupted at least three times just trying to get me registered. The x-ray tech came in and we had to move Will to the other end of the room to shield him from the machine. X-rays were not fun because we had to take the splint off and move my foot around. But she did it quickly and about the time she finished Eli made it to my room.

When Eli got there I did cry. And cry, and cry. I felt so guilty that I had done this stupid thing and that now things were going to be messed up for a long time. Eli was wonderful and calm, and told me it would be ok. He even joked that i would have something to write in the baby journal. He took Will out and got his diaper changed (finally!) and wrangled him the rest of the time. At some point the nurse practitioner came and said she was going to go over the film with one of the orthopedic guys and she would let me know. My regular nurse came in a few minutes later and said it was definitely broken- in two different places. I asked her if she thought I would need surgery and she said she didn't think so, just a cast. That was a huge relief to me as I was scared of surgery.

I guess we were in the room for about 2 hours total. They gave me some kind of super tylenol for pain, which did basically nothing, so a little later they gave me a shot of something that helped much more. The nurse practitioner then came back in and said that I would in fact have to have surgery, and they were sending me home in a temporary splint for the night and that I would need to come in and see the surgeon in the morning. Well after thinking I wouldn't need surgery this was terrible news and I got pretty upset. They got me up and into a wheel chair and rolled me to the door while Eli took Will to the car and pulled it up to get me. We needed to stop at Walgreens to fill my pain medicine prescription and rent some crutches (the hospital didn't have any to give me). Between the shot and being upset about surgery I had gotten fairly queasy and told the nurse so before we left, but I guess they didn't think it was serious because they didn't do anything. So in the car on the way to Walgreens all the sudden I realize I am going to be sick- NOW. I told Eli and he looked around the car frantically for something to catch it but there was nothing. I grabbed an old paper burp cloth that was in the side console and then got sick EVERYWHERE. It was terrible. It got all over me, my splint, the car, and even Eli. There was nothing to do but continue driving- changing course to the house. This was the breaking point for Eli. He had to this point handled everything with his typical calm, quiet manor. But watching me get sick on top of being badly hurt and being able to do nothing about it was just too much. He got very upset and looking back, if anyone happened to look into our car on that ride home I don't really know what they would have thought. It would not have been good, that is for sure.

We got home and Eli backed into the drive so I would be closest to the front door. He got out to open the front door and make sure I had a clear path to the bedroom. Meanwhile I opened the passenger door and continued to get sick all over the drive. The Exorcist had nothing on me. After I finished Eli brought me a new t-shirt so I wouldn't rub it all over him and anything else i might have to touch, and we threw the old shirt on the ground so I wouldn't step in my own sick. Now came the fun part. Because we had to change course, we did not have the crutches needed to get me from Point A to Point B. So Eli had to get on the side with the broken ankle and we had to do a strange hop/carry/dance routine to get me to the bed. It was pretty bad. But, we did make it and Eli even laid a towel on the bed so I could remove the rest of the soiled clothing, wipe off and change into fresh clothes. I managed to scoot into a normal prone position on the bed, and Eli brought me a garbage can in case I got sick again.

At that point Eli had to leave me to go get my medicine and crutches. I laid very still and just tried to be glad that I was back home and not in a hospital room for the night. I talked to some family and friends to let them know I was ok. I got sick a couple more times, but it wasn't as bad since I was home and had something to be sick into.

The rest of the night is actually a little fuzzy. Turns out strong narcotics make me sick AND loopy, so I was in and out a bit. I tried to eat some chicken nuggets to have something in my system when I took my first pain pill, but that didn't work. I finally just took a couple sips of a milkshake, took the pill, turned out the light and closed my eyes. Thankfully it worked, because I went to sleep and wasn't sick anymore.

The next morning was pretty quiet. I got up and moved to the recliner in the living room. I was still loopy from the medicine and scared of my stomach so I mostly drank 7up and had a piece of dry toast. We went to the doctor around 9:15 that morning. Poor Eli tried to get Will, his diaper bag, my purse, and me in a wheel chair into the building, but that just didn't' work. Luckily, he found a hospital volunteer to come help me in. It took a few minutes before I went back to an examination room, and I was pretty uncomfortable during that time. But we did go back before too long, and Dr. Maynard's nurse, Sarah, came in. She told me we would need to undo the splint so Dr. Maynard could look at the ankle, something I was not looking forward to at all. But she was very gentle and didn't mess with it too much, so it wasn't bad.

Dr. Maynard came in and said I would in fact need surgery. He explained that I would need a metal plate and several screws on one side, and a couple of screws on the other. I have an oblique fracture on one side and broke of the tip of the bone on the opposite side. When I fell, I broke my ankle out away from my body. ICK. Eli and I both asked him several questions and he was very patient and funny and answered all of them to our satisfaction. He drew me a diagram of what he needed to do, and went over all the risks and his techniques. He made me feel very comfortable. Because of the large amount of swelling I had, he said he wouldn't be able to operate until next week, and that I should come back and see him on Monday. He even wrote me a prescription for a different pain medicine to help with the sickness.

Then came the bad part. They needed to put me in a better, more stable splint since I was going to be in it for a week. Normally when they splint an ankle, they make the bottom of the foot flat. That wasn't possible in my case because of where the break is and the swelling. So this made fitting a splint very difficult, and as a result, very painful for me. After two tries, and me sobbing in pain, Sarah the nurse stopped and said "I can't do this to her again, I will be right back." She left the room and a minute later returned with Dr. Maynard. He took one look at the situation, and had a plan of action. He actually had me pull the fiberglass material into place while he and the nurse supported my leg, and because I was doing it I was able to get it where they wanted it and much tighter because I knew what hurt and how to move so that didn't happen. It was amazing the difference. They were able to wrap the splint in no time and i felt a million times better. I can tell you that my opinion of Dr. Maynard was raised even more after he took care of me that way.

So that is my dramatic story. I go back to see Dr. Maynard on Monday, and surgery will be either Wednesday or Thursday. Meantime i spend my time either in bed or in our recliner, though I have learned I can't spend much time in the recliner because my hip hurts. I did get the most beautiful flower arrangement from Eli's co-workers, and that really made my day brighter. Eli has been amazing, taking care of Will and me and getting office work done too. We are incredibly fortunate because we have people who are willing to help us. My Dad is coming this Monday and staying for 3 days to help so Eli can go back to work. I don't know if Dad realizes yet what he has gotten himself into, but we will survive and I really appreciate his coming. Then, the most fortunate thing is that Daphne is going to come stay with us. As long as we need her. I cannot tell you what this means to me and Eli. I can't really tell her either because I would get very emotional, which would just be weird for both of us. Needless to say it is incredibly generous, and takes away alot of the worries I had about the negative impact my accident would have on Eli's work and our finances. So now I am looking nervously towards surgery, and then a long recovery time. I am terrible at staying still for any amount time, so any suggestions for activities to keep me occupied would be welcome.

Catch Up

I fell off the face of the blogging planet about 2 1/2 months ago. I felt bad about it, but I was also happy because the reason I fell off was that I actually became busy! This was really good for me; I was becoming increasingly unhappy with my lack of activity to that point. Let me do a quick recap to bring things up-to-date.

My last post was in April and it was about the visit my sister and her family made to see us and our trip to the Arch. That visit actually happened in mid-March. The first weekend of April we went to visit my Dad in St. Joseph and had a really nice weekend trip. Eli and I even got to go on a date to Olive Garden, which we really enjoyed (we even took pictures of our desserts-it was that big of a deal).

A million things have happened with Will and his development, but I have decided to save that for a separate post so I don't leave anything out.

Mid-April we filed our taxes and were happy to get a pretty good return, which we put to work in many different ways. We saved some away for Will and our retirement, paid off some debt, did some major maintenance on my 8-year-old Concorde, and had some left over for home improvement. The home improvement was my favorite part. We decided to plant a vegetable garden in the back yard so Eli got the tools and seeds he needed to begin. We planted 8 small azalea bushes in the beds that run along the front of our house, and happily they seem to be doing very well. The most exciting stuff though was for the inside of the house. I may not have mentioned in this blog before the large amount of work we would like to do to our kitchen. Most of it is aesthetic, but it was in need of a major increase in counter space. We purchased 5 feet of base cabinets and counter top for a blank wall in our kitchen. I was incredibly excited about this addition to the kitchen. The new counter top literally quadrupled the amount of working space I had previously. Not to mention the amazing amount of storage the cabinets added. We were also able to purchase an exhaust fan for our kitchen (there was none when we moved in,nor any evidence that there ever had been one). This was a necessity for many reasons. The steam from cooking on our stove top would accumulate on our cabinet doors and drip back down-ick! Not to mention that I couldn't draw hot air out or strong smells like onions, garlic or fish. I cannot imagine how the previous owners of this house managed without an exhaust fan in the kitchen.

We were also able to purchase a new, baby-safe television stand for the upstairs living room and a much needed ceiling fan for our bedroom. It was so nice to be able to tackle some of these projects. It can be so frustrating to want to fix something and know it isn't terribly expensive, but still not have the extra money to do it. I know that Eli and I both felt like we managed to stretch our money to accomplish alot.

The first weekend in May we got company by way of Robbin and Brian Brooks and Daphne. Robbin and Brian stayed for the weekend and we had a really good visit. Nana Robbin got to play with Will as much as she wanted and that was alot of fun to watch. We got to grill out that weekend and introduced Robbin and Brian to the handmade bratwursts we can get from our local butcher. Robbin and Brian also brought us gifts when the came, in the form of 3 tables, a nightstand and 4 lamps. I cannot explain how happy I was to replace those wobbly, particle board round tables with real, honest-to-goodness wood tables. And anyone who knows me is aware of my love of lamps and my severe dislike of overhead lights (much to Eli's dismay) so the lamps were a major bonus. Daphne stayed with us through Thursday and actually helped Eli put in our new cabinets. She hung out with me and we did a little wandering around, but it was generally a quiet week.

The following Sunday was my first Mother's Day. Eli and Will gave me a wonderful and sweet day. I woke up that morning to the most delicious french toast, bacon and coffee. Daddy helped will make photocopies of his hands and feet to put in my card so I will always know how big he was on this day. I also got some fun kitchen gadgets- a really nice box grater and some flexible cutting mats that I had been pining for. It was a really special day and I enjoyed spending time with my guys.

Just 2 weeks later we took a trip to Morehead. Olivia Adkins was graduating from RCSHS this year and rather than go to graduation, she requested that we come see her in the school play. We were more than happy to do this, and we framed a 4- day weekend around the show. Liv was Lucy in "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" and she was phenomenal. The entire production was wonderful, and I enjoyed getting to see some people I haven't seen in a LONG time. We stayed out at Park Lake for our visit, and that was a really nice bonus to the trip. It made everything seem more like an actual vacation for us, and was so relaxing. It can be hard to travel with a baby and stay at someone's house with them because it is inevitably disruptive for everyone involved. Being able to go back to a quiet, empty cottage at night made everything so much easier.

Memorial Day weekend was quiet and relaxing for us. We didn't travel and we didn't make any big plans. The Wednesday after Memorial Day I got to start something I was really excited about- ZUMBA!! I had heard so many people, including Kristi, go on about how much fun it was, and I was able to sign up for a fairly inexpensive class at the local YMCA. The first class kicked my butt, but I really enjoyed it. Coincidentally, the day I started that class, I also accidentally discovered the most wonderful park on the edge of town. I happened to be driving around with Will, just looking around some roads I hadn't traveled on before, and came upon West City Park. It is absolutely beautiful, and the answer to my long-standing wish for a good place to walk with Will. The park has 1.5 miles of uninterrupted walking path around several large ball fields and two large ponds. There are lots of geese and ducks for Will to watch, multiple large, well maintained playgrounds, and fishing in the ponds. It has quickly become one of our favorite places to go, and beginning that Thursday after Zumba I started walking with Will every morning.

The weekend after Memorial Day, Kristi and crew stopped over for a day on their way back from vacation at my Dad's. We took them for a picnic at the park, and Eli and Jeremy got to fish while Kristi played with Will and Liv made use of the playgrounds. We had a really good time. That night we were going pig out at Cici's, but as proof that Eli and I don't get out much, we arrived at the location to find out that Cici's had in fact been closed for some time, long enough for a new restaurant to be opened in the same space. After a quick debate we ended up taking them to Ryan's for dinner. They had never been to a Ryan's, and both Kristi and Jeremy's eyes' nearly popped out of their heads when they saw the size of the spread. We had a good, if quick, visit, and they headed back to Morehead the next day.

The following two weeks started a bout of bad luck for us. First, Eli accidentally shattered one of the panes of glass in our downstairs sliding glass door while weed eating. I had just looked out an upstairs window to check on him when I saw him charging up the hill of the yard at a brisk pace. I met him at the door to ask if he was alright, and he informed me of what happened. After a panicked attempt to cover the door because we were sure the rest of the glass would brake at any moment, we had the man who installed our windows last fall come by and give an estimate on a new door. It will cost a pretty penny, but the good news was that we could calm down because the rock that had shattered the first pane of glass had done no damage to the second pane so we have some wiggle room before we must replace the door this winter.

Next, the television in our upstairs living room died a quick, quiet death. We had been having picture problems for sometime, but weren't sure if they were related to the set or the satellite. It was definitely the set, as it just kicked off one night, made a strange humming sound and emitted a bad odor for the short time it took me to detect it and unplug the unit. We carried it outside to the carport just to be safe, and moved our little 19 inch television from the bedroom to the living room.

The third stroke of bad luck was that Eli had been working on an abstract to prepare it for a conference this fall and after a lot of hurried, hard work, his boss decided not to submit it for the conference at all. It was frustrating for him and for me because he had spent so much time on it.

Things seemed to ease up a bit after that and we thought our run of bad luck was over. This last weekend we took a trip to Dawson Springs to see Eli's family and had no problems. We had a nice visit with everyone and an uneventful trip home. Sunday was Father's Day, so Will and I got to give Eli his presents- a charcoal chimney for his grill and a tackle box now that he gets to do some fishing. We had a quiet afternoon to relax before Eli had to go back to work on Monday.

All of this catch up brings me to this week. I will write about the specifics of what happened this week in my next post. All I will say now is that the reason I suddenly have so much time to write a small book in my blog is that I am going to be off my feet for a long time. I fell on Monday and broke my ankle in two places. Ouch. More tomorrow.

Meet Me In St. Louis

"Meet Me in St. Louis" was the first show I did with the Morehead Theatre Guild. I was finishing my 6th grade year, circa 1994. Holy crap I am old.

Anyway, that tidbit aside, this post is about the actual St. Louis, not the musical set during the 1904 St. Louis World's Fair. Three weeks ago my sister, brother-in-law and niece came out for the last couple of days of their spring break to see us. Well, truthfully they came to see Will (and who could blame them) but they didn't mind seeing me and Eli too. Their visit gave me an excuse to do something I had neglected to do in the 8 months we have lived here- visit the Gateway Arch. I have driven relatively close to it several times, and seen it from a distance countless times, but before this trip had never actually seen it up close and personal.

Before I share my thoughts on this monument, let me say that my expectations of the Arch and adjacent park were not particularly high. Having had the opportunity to live in Washington D.C. or within a short drive, I have experienced some truly beautiful and meaningful monuments and memorials. D.C. is many things, including a den of political self-importance, but it takes its role of national capital very seriously, and as a result the monuments and memorials are incredible. They are surprisingly well-run, awe-inspiring and informative, and maintain a reverence that normally is lost whenever large crowds are involved. Sadly, my experiences with other monuments and national parks have never really matched up. So going in I was not hugely excited.

Our drive into the city was uneventful. I was sure I would get us lost, but the directions were clear and took us directly to the parking structure beside the park. Right off the bat this raised the experience in my opinion, because the design of the area was so smart, and the parking truly convenient. We got out of the car, got the baby situated into his stroller, and began the walk to the base of the Arch. This walk took us down a wide path through a park that was still a little dull from winter, but promised to be quite lovely in spring bloom. There was a large pond to the right where geese were lazily paddling around. To the left you could see the Mississippi River, wide and dark, flowing slowly but constantly. The walk was fairly short, and as we got closer the trees cleared to reveal a truly spectacular view of the Arch. The sun was shining and the Arch gleamed as if it had just been polished like my grandmother's silver. Any expectations I had were immediately surpassed. The view was incredible.



Between the legs of the Arch, underground, is the Museum of Westward Expansion. Centered primarily on the exploration of Lewis and Clark, the museum has an interesting design and flow, and a very good collection of period pieces and reproductions. For the kids, (and adults like me) they have several animatronic figures that tell stories from the point of view of various people from the period. Sadly, these figures were undergoing maintenance when we were there, so we didn't get to hear their stories. The museum also has two movie theaters that show films about the expedition of Lewis and Clark, and the construction of the Arch.

After we toured the museum, the Skaggs split off and took an hour-long riverboat ride up and down the riverfront while Will and I stayed back so he could have lunch and a nap. While they were gone I took a stroll with Will around the green under the Arch. It was a beautiful day, and people were scattered on the grass, lounging, eating their lunch, or reading a book. Looking toward the city from the Arch you could see the historic Old Courthouse, where the famed Dred Scott case was tried. After our walk, we settled on the grass and while Will napped I just sat and took everything in. It was a wonderful way to spend an hour.

The Skaggs returned from their riverboat ride and told me it was well worth the time and expense. I think its pretty neat that you can still take a riverboat ride on the Mississippi, and I know my niece had stories to tell, and plenty of information for the paper she had to write about her trip. I know I learned alot, but instead of cribbing the notes from the brochures, here are some tidbits of information from the website:


1. The Arch is the tallest national monument in the United States at 630 feet; it is the city's best known landmark and a popular tourist attraction.

2. Construction began February 12, 1963 and the last section of the Arch was put into place on October 28, 1965.

3. The Arch is a structure known as a catenary curve, the shape a free-hanging chain takes when held at both ends, and considered the most structurally-sound arch shape. The span of the Arch legs at ground level is 630 feet, the same as its height.

4. Each year, approximately a million visitors ride the trams to the top of the Arch. The trams have been in operation for over 30 years, traveling a total of 250,000 miles and carrying over 25 million passengers.

5. The Arch weighs 17,246 tons. Nine hundred tons of stainless steel was used to build the Arch, more than any other project in history.

6. The Arch was built at a cost of $13 million. The transportation system was built at a cost of $3,500,000.

7. In order to ensure that the constructed legs would meet, the margin of error for failure was 1/64th of an inch. All survey work was done at night to eliminate distortion caused by the sun's rays. Since the Arch was constructed before the advent of computer technology, relatively crude instruments were used for these measurements.

8. The Arch sways a maximum of 18" (9" each way) in a 150 mph wind. The usual sway is 1/2"

Green Thumb???

I promised no excuses for lags in this blog and I will stick to that promise. The Roberson household has had an exciting and crazy few weeks. I will chronicle the highlights in the next couple of posts, but today I think I will share with you a new side project that we have begun.

When Eli and I lived in Baltimore we shared a 3rd floor apartment in a nice area. However, as any past or present apartment dweller can attest, your yard more often than not is a concrete slab balcony. We missed having green at our doorstep, so we decided to create a balcony garden. I originally envisioned a few planters with mixed flowers just to pretty things up. Eli however, had ambitions to grow vegetables, particularly tomatoes, though some other veggies were attempted. This garden had varying degrees of success. We actually did get a few tomatoes out of Eli's hard work, but dealing with less than ideal conditions meant only a few plants ever thrived.

Fast forward to last summer when we bought our house. One of the features we were attracted to was the decent sized front yard and large back yard. We immediately saw endless potential for flower and vegetable gardening. Of course, I was 7 months pregnant when we moved in July, and between unpacking and preparing for Will's arrival we were lucky to get the lawn mowed. So our dreams of gardening were put on hold.

I should stop at this point acknowledge an important piece of information. Neither Eli nor I have any real experience gardening. My Gran maintained lovely gardens around the house, but any lessons she attempted to give were wasted on my youth and then disinterest. Eli's grandfather did some farming, but he passed away when Eli was fairly young. So we are charging into this project largely uneducated. I checked out 3 books on gardening from the local library just to try and figure out some basics.

Despite our lack of experience, we have some pretty grand plans for our gardens. We actually started with some flowering trees that Eli received through a donation to the Arbor Day Foundation. We planted half of those last Wednesday, and will finish planting in the next couple of days. I have decided to try azalea bushes in the beds that run across the front of our house, with some perennial flowers in the front of those beds to fill in until the bushes get some growth. I am also going to plant a mix of perennials in the beds around our front tree and mailbox. I really want to plant all kinds of bulbs- tulips, daffodils, crocus, etc- but have to wait until the fall to do that. This is all very ambitious for me, so if I can manage to keep most of it alive I will consider it a major victory.

The backyard is going to be the main event. Eli has a huge vegetable garden in mind, and I am excited to see it grow. I know for sure he is going to try several varieties of tomatoes, sweet peppers and banana peppers, onions, and green beans. He has several other possible additions that I am not sure if he has decided on yet, but I know he is also planning to make me a little herb garden. I have dreams of these vegetables and the yummy things I can make with them. I think for both of us we are excited to have a project to work on. I have been looking for ways to feel more productive and active, and Eli has a strong desire to work on a project that has a clear end result. Hopefully between the two of us we have at least one green thumb.

Banana Cream Pie

I have been craving pie for some time now. I know, pie isn't exactly at the top of my healthy foods list, but I learned a long time ago that if I try to totally ignore cravings I ultimately end up falling off the wagon in binge proportions, so its better to address the craving in moderation and get past it. I wasn't just craving eating pie, but making it as well. I pulled out my trusty Better Homes and Gardens cookbook and read through the section on pies and tarts. So many looked yummy, but I focused on the cream pies because I hadn't tackled those before. Better Homes' recipe calls for a vanilla base filling that is modified to make various flavors like Dark Chocolate Cream, Coconut Cream, Banana Cream Pie, and and unfamiliar one, Sour Cream and Raisin.

I was also determined to make the crust from scratch, and understood going in that producing a good crust would probably be the most difficult part of the recipe. Too much flour or water would mean a tough crust. Too much shortening would likely have it falling apart. Overworking the pastry would also cause problems. I decided to use the food processor directions, and ultimately was glad I did. I do not consider using the processor cheating, though I know some would. I have to say of the entire process, I am most proud of how my crust turned out. I unfortunately forgot to take a picture of the crust before the filling was added, but it looked pretty good. It tasted better.

The production of the filling was fairly simple and uneventful. Eli sliced the bananas for me and lined the bottom of the pastry shell. I poured the filling over and baked as instructed. Per Eli's request I exchanged the meringue for whipped cream as he isn't a huge fan of meringue (though I really want to tackle that soon as well).

The final product was, well, satisfactory. With the first bite I made a list of all the things I needed to adjust or do differently next time. This drives Eli nuts because he thinks I am too critical of my cooking, but I am really just trying to do something better every time I try. He thought it was delicious, and I was glad since I needed him to eat a considerable amount of it. For me, the first time you make a recipe and follow it exactly, it is a practice run. In the aftermath is when you actually grow as a cook, when you say, "I want to do this differently" and start making changes. They aren't always successful, but you have to make it your own. Most of my critiques of this pie were about execution rather than creativity, but I know the next pie will be better if I apply what I learned.




The List
1. Need to find a recipe for a 9.5 inch crust rather than a 9 in crust as the pastry shell came just to the edge of the pan and about 1 oz. of the filling couldn't go in because it was full.
2. Crust should have baked for 1-2 more minutes as the final product, while done, lacked the golden brown color it needed.
3. The base filling should have cooked on the stove top for a little longer, as the final product did not set as firmly as I wanted. Also, cornstarch rather than flour should have been used as a thickening agent.
4. Extra large eggs should have been used rather than Large, or another egg should have been added.
5. Bananas should have been riper. To my taste there was still a touch of green flavor to them.
6. Amount of vanilla should have been cut in half and replaced with and equal amount of banana flavoring.



Even with all of these notes, I feel like my first cream pie was a success. Next on the agenda (in a month to 6 weeks so I don't go completely nuts) will be coconut cream pie, this time with meringue.

Baby Teeth

Once again, apologies for my slacker ways. This past week has been off-kilter for reasons I can't put my finger on, and as a result my early morning Momma time was inconsistent at best. I seemed to lose my recently celebrated energy, and complained about it all week, which certainly didn't make anything better. Anyway, it is a beautiful mild day today, and Eli and I have managed to accomplish all our little chores early enough to enjoy some true down time for the rest of the day. Our windows are open, there is soup bubbling in the slow cooker, and Eli is enjoying a rare session of video game play. So now I write.

The topic of this blog actually was a hot topic last Saturday. As I mentioned in my 5 month update of Will's progress, we were experiencing teething. Well, after his morning nursing, I decided to check, and to my amazement there was not one, but two teeth coming through his bottom gum! The funny thing is that neither of the teeth were the one I thought was going to come in first. That lump remains just a lump for now, though it could come through at any moment. Aside from one day the previous week when he was clearly out of sorts, we had observed none of the behaviors I had been waiting for with dread. He didn't seem to be in any noticeable pain, he didn't run a fever, or reject his food, or drool any more than usual. As he has handled most unpleasant experiences in his life so far, he took this with ease. Bless his father's easy-going heart for contributing such a steady personality to our little guy.

I have to be honest though, this new development more than any other really emphasized how quickly our baby is becoming a little boy. Don't get me wrong, he still has many baby days in front of him, but as I have commented here before, it truly moves faster than I ever realized. I admit a shed a quick tear or two (mother hormones are way stronger even than my already sensitive pre-mommy hormones) about the situation, and realized that in a scant 6 months he is going to become an entirely different little guy. Walking and talking some and eating new foods and getting into all kinds of trouble. The first few weeks of his life I remember thinking in times of complete exhaustion and new parent worry that I couldn't wait until he was just a little bit older. Now I wish I had more time with him as a little baby.